Some thoughts

I think that as an LDS Church member many things have shocked me. I wonder, though, if this doesn't happen in other churches, too. There are lots of other churches out there, good and bad. This occurred to me today.

Also, it has occurred to me that I still have certain convictions. And I do know the answers to some of the questions I posed in an earlier blog.

I would tell my children to not have sex unless they were married to someone. I think if I told them anything less they would be raised in a manner that was too permissive. I think laying down boundaries that make sense is what works for young people. Whatever I taught them about sex in general, that would be more nit picky. But they would know that I don't believe in much permissiveness in this area of life.

I do not wonder much about swearing. Aside from how any bad words may or may not offend God, I still do not believe I should take the Lord's name in vain. I also should avoid the F-word and the A-word (three letter word for backside).

It seems that there is a sense that I got from being raised LDS that boundaries to your behavior do matter. It seems that too much restrictiveness truly makes a person dart back and forth from the bars of the cage to the back of the cell. However, too much permissiveness can cause anxiety as well. If you really think it is wrong to go rob a bank, you will truly have anxiety as you go to do just that. Also, I don't want to believe in nothing. That is part of what my Bible reading is all about. I think I will always believe in something. After all this time I still believe in God. I think that means something very significant.

I think that the positive things I got from the LDS Church are more than I can count on one hand. I think that if you consider whether or not anything is the truth, and consider a spiritual reality as well as an easily touched physical one, you open your mind in a way that is good for you. I think it's good for society as well. Opening your mind to goodness is a solution to some of the ills of society.

What do I think happens to people who don't believe in goodness? I don't think that they truly understand or measure what they and others around them are capable of. And I think that they can give up on their lives. I know a person who has been in and out of prison. And any desire for goodness seems to be an act. I asked myself why someone would try so hard to lie and manipulate and destroy and never make money in an honest way. And finally, the answer came to me: He has given up on himself. He has given up on his life. He has given up.

This answer that I came up with about this specific person surprised me. Before I decided this it seemed as though I was dealing with a frightening monster--maybe even someone filled with evil impulses. And perhaps he is filled with evil, destructive impulses. But then I saw a sadness, a tragedy. I saw a real human being doing a real thing. I saw someone actually give up on himself.

Do you know what you have to give up to completely give up on youself? You give up on hope. You give up on trying. You give up on your intelligence. You give up on your ability. You give up your truth. You give up your unique values and great plans. You give up on the inherent goodness and value of your soul.

If you have ever have glimpsed how valuable someone really is to you, or how valuable they may be to God, you know that this is indeed a tragedy. I realize, at this point, that this tragedy is nearly indescribable. It is impossible to describe the worth of one human being.