The Book of Mormon: The Low Down

This weekend, I finally got in touch with my anger about the Book of Mormon. Currently, I only really believe in it halfway. I think there is good stuff in it. But I also realize that it is the LDS Church's brainwashing tool.

What I am saying is that they get you to read the Book of Mormon everyday, and then you suddenly decided to stay.

My take on the Book of Mormon is that it is halfway fiction. Basically, I am saying that the story about the Nephites and the Lamanites is probably made up. I am not saying that it is not absolutely brilliant, which it is. I am saying that it is probably a made up story.

One of the signs that it is a made up story is that so far, the DNA scientists have from Native Americans is pointing to their origins from a part of Asia. It doesn't point to origins from the ancient Middle East, as the Book of Mormon and the Mormon Church would have you believe.

I have also heard, but not yet checked out, that the 1830 edition of the Book of Mormon has a number of things different in it than the current Book of Mormon. I want to get a copy of it and compare it to my most current edition. I also have editions of it from the 1980's that I want to compare. Of course, there would be far fewer differences between now and the '80's, but it might yield some result.

Basically, what is really important, is that I do not believe the Book of Mormon should be automatically labeled the word of God as the LDS faith has it. I wish to search and read the Bible more to see if there are more origins of doctrines and passages in the Book of Mormon that I haven't yet found.

Basically, at this point, my real goal is to find out if there is indeed any truth in the Book of Mormon at all. In that goal is for me a realization of what percentage of the Book of Mormon I want to pay attention to in my further pursuits and reviews of the truth.

Now I need to get back to what I said about the Book of Mormon being a brainwashing tool of the LDS Church. In the 1980's, Ezra Taft Benson made a point of telling the LDS people that they were under condemnation or a curse if they did not take the Book of Mormon seriously--reading it and following their teachings. Also, it is a position of the LDS Church that the Book of Mormon is the most correct book on the earth and it contains a fullness of the gospel.

Basically, LDS folk are instructed to read it everyday so that they will not be under condemnation or curse of any kind by God. Also, the LDS believe that those who criticize the Book of Mormon as being faulty and untrue are under condemnation.

So, basically, I was under the impression that if I didn't read the Book of Mormon most days, I would fall under condemnation.

At first, this was not a bad thing. Given that there is truth in the book, I have had some uplifting and life-changing experiences stemming from my readings of its pages. It is not all bad.

However, I was led to believe that it would keep me from temptation and that my life would go easier if I read it. I was also led to believe that I would be more spiritual if I read it everyday. The spiritual thing goes along with being able to keep from temptation. I was also supposed to be happier.

It was not completely wrong that the Book of Mormon could make me happy. It has some good, uplifting messages in its pages.

However, my life actually got weirder and weirder after a certain point in the late 1990's. I was doing less and less well emotionally. I had anxiety attacks and anxiety issues and thoughts start to arise. My life was not actually getting better. Sometimes, reading the Book of Mormon did calm me down. But there were parts of the book that seemed harsh or even a bit fictional and shadowy.

About three years ago, it got very hard to read the Book of Mormon. It was suggested to me, about four years ago that I was too angry and judgmental of others. I did my best to drop some anger. It helped.

But little did I know that constantly reading the Book of Mormon and judging myself harshly were linked. The doctrines in the Book of Mormon are very black and white. And because of this I could not stop judging others harshly. There are black and white doctrines in the Bible. However, no one told me to read the pages with these doctrines daily.

Basically, I began to see the world as an evil place. And yes, it was so bad, that many times I was screaming for professional help, without always knowing it.

It the last three years of my life, I did my best to keep reading the Book of Mormon. It was as if I was gagging on it. Some weeks I would read it daily. But I would stop the chronological reading to go to passages that I liked the best. I realize now that I was detecting those passages that I really thought were inspired and that I thought really soothed me.

It also kept me thinking that I needed to go to church and participate in it. I kept feeling guilty for not living an LDS Church centered life, when actually, I couldn't stand to do so anymore. The torture just kept building and building. And I found more and more doctrines preached by members in regular meetings to be either false or completely back woods and judgmental. I basically, was becoming someone who did not believe as my active LDS brothers and sisters did. And I was still trying to make myself conform by reading the Book of Mormon. And I hated it more and more. I started taking more and more cheap routes in my reading.

I realized, last month, that I didn't have to read my Book of Mormon everyday. I think that that is when my mind came out of the shadows, and I really started to consider other kinds of truths. About two months before that time I had decided that the LDS Church as presently constituted was not true. When I began to ease up on Book of Mormon study, I was able to consider the possibility that it may have always been a church in trouble with the truth.

Since that realization last month, I have found out a lot that has made the reality of the LDS Church burn down before my eyes.

And I am starting to become less judgmental about myself and others. I think that when the Bible tells us to not judge others, I think that what it is really telling us is that we need to avoid stuffing our lives with things that cause judgmental attitudes. Alas, even my little Book of Mormon needs to be handled with care.