I Am Actually Lucky!

I am a luckier person than I thought. I caught onto exmormon.org. I have been reading the stories and opinions of people there. It seems that I avoided something very terrible. I avoided the temple endowment. Apparently there is some twistedness and trauma in going to get your endowments. I believe these people because I realize that God really was protecting me from the worst aspect of the Mormon Church. If I had gone to get my endowments, I would have suffered a fate worse than death. I may even have killed myself over the fact that this was what I was supposed to do and yet, when I did it, I realized that it was totally evil.

Thank goodness that those experiences have not happened to me! It may be why I am alive today! I was so devoted! I would have been crushed!

I think that the aura the LDS Church creates around its members is one of the great delusions out there. I never realized how horrible it could seem to others.

And yet, I think I suffered because I felt the lack of truth in the church meetings. I felt the lack of good feelings. I felt the lack of things I used to feel. Because, it has actually gotten worse over the years. I can tell the members are far more demented and less open to truth and new ideas than they used to be.

For example, in one Relief Society meeting (the women's meeting), a lesson was given on how we should accept death and we shouldn't grieve when people die because they are going to a place where God will take care of them. Not only was the content of this lesson over the top in its brainwashing dumbing down of the members, but it was also made worse by the insensitivity of the teacher. She claimed to have gone to her grandmother's funeral as a child and laughed and giggled the whole way through. Then she claimed that this was the way she was supposed to behave. Then other members chimed in and told stories about reproving the grief of others, as if it was a sin!

It is true that there are ice cold people for whom nothing is bothersome, even death, but these people are usually thought of as sociopaths--human beings without much conscience or emotion! I was getting very, very upset because I remembered the death of an uncle and I was very upset thinking that I didn't know what would happen to his soul now that he was dead. Death is eye opening and hard for a tender heart.

And grief is the most natural thing in the world. You should welcome your grief and help yourself process it. Don't deny it. One of the most important things I have done to help myself recover from Mormon brainwashing is to acknowledge my feelings and ask myself why I might be having them. I do not ignore and belittle my emotions. I welcome them as part of being human. I am not going to grow Spock ears because some religious nuts think it means I accept everything that God has in store for me and my loved ones! Baloney! Shame! Shame! The Mormon Church is a cult.

I really did have to have a few years of therapy to realize that I can have feelings. I am glad I did have some therapy.